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Welcome. Please be nice.

I hate it that I don't trust you like how I should.
Why am I so doubtful?
Why am I delving in pessimism?
Why do I jump to conclusions whenever something happens?

I love you, more than you'll ever know. But just give me time to break free from the pessimism and the doubt.
Continue to love me and mold me and I promise I'll make you the happiest man on earth.

But for now, just bear with me, please?

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The Greatest Relationships
The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged your ever view. The ones where you found yourself to be a better person because of who you were when he was around. The ones that made you wake up with a smile on your face no matter how corny it was. The ones that made everything right when it was wrong. the ones that caused you physical pain to leave because leaving meant losing a part of yourself.

The greatest relationships are the ones you’ll always remember not because of their length, but because of who you were with. The ones where the memories make you want to laugh when you’re crying. The ones that make you believe that god exists, because no one else could have created someone so amazing. The ones that cause you to change for the better, even if you don’t realize it. the ones where you know you’re being honest with yourself, so much it hurts.

The greatest relationships are the ones where he called you lame and you just rolled your eyes because you knew he was kidding. The ones where you were comfortable around him because you knew he’d love you no matter what. The ones where love seemed to be the only answer. The ones that made you compromise because it was something you knew you wanted to last. The ones where you accepted what he did because you just wanted to see him happy.

The greatest relationships are the ones that changed your life. The ones that made you rethink your future because you knew it’d be better with him. The ones where you felt like your forever had finally appeared. The ones that made you question the ending. The ones that told you to push through the problems because eventually it would be better again. The ones where you broke your heart and his for his good, even when you couldn’t explain without breaking a rule.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you care more about his happiness then you do about your own. The ones where you do what you do for his future, even if it means wrecking your present. The ones where you tell yourself to walk in the opposite direction, because you know there are just some things you can’t do. The ones when you cry not because it’s over, but because you know you lost not only him, but your best friend too.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll thank him for being a part of your life, no matter how short. The ones where you’ll never forget him because he helped shape your view on love. The ones where you’ll always be there for him, whether or not he’ll accept that. The ones where he put up with your crap when he didn’t have to. The ones where your last tribute to him was doing something he never thought you’d do - and loving it.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll always love him, even when he’s forgotten all about you. The ones where you’re changed forever because of him. The ones that you will always smile about because while they were flawed, they were still amazing. The ones where you fought what you knew was going to happen because you couldn’t quite come to terms with losing him. the ones that remind you love lost is better than never having loved at all.

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fuck.
I really can't describe everything that i'm feeling right now.
You said you didn't want my parents to not like you anymore. So I went out and I did my thing. And my mum asked for you to come and help with the Christmas decorations. I told you how important this was to me.
I told you how much it meant to me and my family.
You said you'd leave there at around 5 ++, but lo and behold. You're staying there until 7.30 to chit chat with your rugby friends, when you NEVER used to before.
Why this sudden change? Why this sudden interest in being their friend? Why this, today?

This might just be the changing thing behind all the problems we have. But from the looks of it, its like you don't even care about anything. You say one thing and do another. I feel so confused and lost. I'm trying so hard not to get angry.

You know, the Tim I once knew, wouldn't do something like this to me. I don't know what to do, or who you are anymore. I'm losing you by the day.

A part of me wants to carry on and try to work this. Another part of me is tired of ALWAYS being the one trying to keep us together. You SAY you want this to work, but you do something else. Do you even give a damn at all?

And what sucks is that I love you so much. It's a sin, a deathly draining feeling.

I think I'm really just not going to care anymore, I'm just going to go on and do my own thing.

Your mum advised me to. So I shall.


So so so tired...

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All your empty promises.

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Yesterday.

I cried like I have never cried before.
For my worst fear almost came true. I swear I thought it was going to be the end. The end of something so beautiful. The end of us.

Words really cannot describe how much what you said hurt me. That you thought leaving me would be the only way to solve the problems we're facing now. In fact, I think it will only make it worse. It will end up killing me.

You being gone from my life is just not possible. How can you say that we could only be friends? how can you carry on knowing that we can't kiss or hug anymore.

I wonder why my parents have to make things so difficult for me sometimes.

But you're such a perfect person. Thinking of that compromise. Thinking that I should spend more time with my family. To salvage our relationship.

You're a lot more mature than they give you credit for. And that's why I love you so much.

Above all, I'm glad we're still together. Although you said this is our last chance. I refuse to give up on us. I refuse to let you leave me.

I refuse to spend my life without you.



I love you, so much.

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V
But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

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Rugby
You know, after watching a Rugby game, I look at soccer and can't help but laugh.
When you see those soccer players fall over after being bumped over. While in Rugby, these guys get mauled and they can still stand there and only leave the field with cuts and bruises.
And no people, its not about size. Some Rugby players are as small as soccer players.

Final conclusion,

Be a MAN, play RUGBY.

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Maybe
I hate that I find fault in the smallest things.
Maybe I'm just overly sensitive
Maybe I'm just selfish that way
Maybe I'm just so undeserving of you.

But just know that I love you so much. And although I do or say things that are hurtful, I really do love you. From the bottom of my heart.

I can't imagine my life without you.

I need you.

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Oh and just to add one to that...

I downloaded a rugby game so you could discuss it with me and explain to me the game after you were freshly pumped from training. I really thought you'd come back...

I shouldn't be so optimistic next time huh?

sigh...
this home run is turning to a penalty...

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you know, even if I was so fucking tired...
i'd still come see you if you asked me to.

next time i'll make sure I follow you, so you'll come back with me. Even though I'd be so bored there just watching. At least I know, you'd come back to see me.

and that's my plan from now onwards...

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I'm glad that I didn't stay home today.
I love every moment with you. Really. From the cuddles to the kisses, to our "list" hehe

Followed by the little get-together at Ryan's.
Sure it wasn't much of a soirée but we three made it good. And didn't Ryan's geeetar skeelz sound fab? Hahaha

I'm supposed to be saving money... but you know... haha things are just really expensive.


kiss me, baby

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